Is My Child Weird?
As a camp director I spend a lot of time on the phone with parents. Parents who are new to camp or considering it for the first time almost always need some reassurance. They want to know that the camp will be safe, and I gladly explain all we do to keep kids safe. They want to know about the food, the staff, the accommodations, and again I happily explain how and why we do all the things we do at camp. I generally ask about their camper, or campers, and once we start talking about their child we always end up at some form of the same question or parental disclaimer.
Is my child weird?
It’s not just the new families that seem to be so worried about how “normal” their child is or isn’t. On the departure day of camp, at least one parent will always pull me aside and ask some version of, “Was my child weird this week?”. Now, not every single parent has this concern, but in my experience, most do. Even right now you’re probably thinking about that weird thing your kid does with his nose, or how she kicks her leg out in a weird way when she runs, or whatever your child’s particular quirk is. So I’m just going to answer this question that you all already know the answer to.
Yes. Your child is weird. And it’s the best thing about them!
Now a quick disclaimer before I explain this in a bit more detail. Weird is not a term I use for our kiddos who are differently abled or neurodiverse. Kids who are developing differently just don’t quite fit into the way we run our society for “typical” people. They are as amazing as any kid out there! They just need a little extra support to fit into a world that wasn’t quite designed for them.
When I write to you that your child is weird, what I mean is that no child is what we call “normal”. In fact, normal is a made up thing, it’s what you get when you pull all the beauty, fun, and individualization out of people - that boring and bland leftover is normal. Yet so many parents spend so much time and energy worrying about if your child is normal. Parents, please trust me here, you don’t want your kids to be normal, it’s far too low of a standard!
Teach skills instead of conformity.
I believe that most parents who worry about how normal their child is, are usually focused on the wrong problems. It’s perfectly understandable to worry if your child can make friends, if they will be liked, if they will like themselves, and if they can find some kind of success. What I have seen at camp for over 20 years, is that these skills have nothing to do with how “normal” a child is. These are skills that can be learned, by any child, though the process of learning those skills is different for each child. Neurodiverse kids in particular can really struggle to learn these skills, and they may need more support and guidance as they learn.
So how do you avoid the trap of trying to make your child “normal” and instead try to help them learn social skills? Here’s a few things to try:
Help them find a community that accepts them exactly as they are. Obviously an inclusive program like Camp Southern Ground is great :) but church groups, sports teams, friend groups can all be great options. Think of it this way, the community you take your child to where you don’t have to tell them not to do their weird habits, that’s the place your child needs!
Encourage their passions! One of my favorite things at camp is watching a camper get comfortable enough to start sharing their passion. I have seen a child on the autism spectrum keep a group of typically developing kids mesmerized by talking about his pet gecko’s obstacle course. Kids love passion, even if it’s weird!
Correct behaviors, not personality. Weird is wonderful and all, but sometimes we do just need a child to sit through a meal, or be quiet during church. It’s ok and even good to correct bad behaviors! Just remember that it’s about fixing an action, not trying to turn them into someone they aren’t.
Get a little weird yourself! If you want to have a great afternoon with your child, sit them down and talk to them about the summer you got so into a hair metal band that you would go through 10 cans of hairspray a week. If your kids know that you’re also a little weird, they’re going to accept themselves more.
In the end the biggest skill or trait that will help your child to be who you want them to be and who they want to be is simple.
Confidence.
And it doesn’t come from being more normal, it comes from growing to accept and love your own weirdness. So let your kids be weird, it’s the best part of them!